Monday, August 27, 2007

Avalanche of Villainy

In the second arc of The Irregulars our heroic trio will face off against the villain I hope will become their arch-nemesis. And before you ask: no, I'm not done scripting the first arc yet. I'm lazy and I drink, so back off. Actually, I'll probably be done with the first six issues in a week or two. My brain's not always linear, so the second arc's been intruding on the first's time. First six issues are looking to take three months to complete, but issues seven through twelve should only take half as long.

Anyway, arch-nemesis. Prof. Gordon Saimiri, the world's smartest monkey, naturally needs an arch nemesis and the opposite number villian is a long establish tradition. The mysterious space aliens that disassembled Gordo and reassembled him as the super-intelligent Prof. Saimiri, it turns out they did the same thing when they picked up Laika's space capsule the previous year. Unfortunately, they put Laika back together wrong. Who better than a super-intelligent, deformed and insane evil communist canine to challenge Prof. Saimiri, our flamethrower-toting simian college professor, his robot and his girl?

So, that's our nemesis and part of Laika's plan to destroy The Irregulars is to assemble an army of villains (that in no way is inspired by the Legion of Doom) and have them all attack Los Angeles at once. Who are some of the players in this army of 35 villains that I plan on introducing in a single, bone-chilling two page splash panel?

Glad you asked.

Atomic Weight. Professor Emil Avogadro, longest tenured member of the physics department at USCLA, was driven insane in the lab accident that gave him his powers. He sees the world only as swirling patterns of protons and neutrons and is able to mentally multiply the number of isotopes in inanimate matter.

The Humidity! Master of super-heated water vapor. It's not the heat, it's The Humidity!

Ramses CDXVII. Egyptian despot and the 417th in an unbroken line dating back to Ramses I. Possesses the combined experiences, guile and intelligence of the previous 416 Ramses (Ramseses?).

Herr Zorn. Seven feet of blonde crew-cut and muscles, the super-strong Herr Zorn absorbs the anger of others as sustenance.

Ms. Limpid. Sultry, 40's Hollywood style femme fatale. Ms. Limpid projects an aura of calm. Her victims remain frozen in their tracks until they're nothing but transparent, glass-like statues.

Tyrannosaurus Reginald. Half man, half dinosaur, all polite. T-Reg kills and eats his human victims with a prehistoric appetite and the salad fork on the left. Please. Thank you. Kill!

Battalion. Mercenary with the power to replicate himself up to 1,200 times.

The Jam Band. Members: Inspiration, Comet Dust, Marble and Tina. Together, when playing their instruments, they weave a pied piper-like spell that mesmerizes those that hear the music, aurally lobotomizing them.

The Spangenhelm. A demonic medieval war helmet that possesses the wearer, slowly absorbing their body and turning it into spectral blue flame. Black helm, boots, gloves and cloak with a body of fire. Armed with a sword in each hand.

Occult Archer. Dressed in an all white Robin Hood outfit, the Archer carries no arrows. His enchanted longbow fires arrows composed of the ghostly forms of deceased criminals. Content with the life of a bank robber and career criminal, the Occult Archer does not suspect that his soul is doomed to become a spectral arrow for the next individual who wields the bow.

The Sirens. Peisinoe, Aglaope and Thelxiepeia are three sisters whose long skirts conceal their bird-like legs. Together, their singing voices have the power to hypnotize any who hear them. Typically they drown their victims and rob the corpses.

Brigadier Chatsworth. English big game hunter, dressed in colonial military attire. A pith helmet covers his bald pate, but he can psychically manipulate his long mustachios to do a range of actions, from firing a rifle to picking locks to crushing his prey like pythons.

Highbrow. Once the world's 53rd smartest man, a series of gristly murders, no two alike, has moved him up to 39th. Fourteen down, thirty-eight to go.

The Archivist. A bibliomaniac with a fixation on historical criminal records, the Archivist is the curator and head librarian of the secret Borgia Library, the moral and ethical antithesis of the Great Library of Alexandria. The Borgia Library is the greatest repository of criminal knowledge on earth.

King Khepri. USCLA professor of Egyptology who, after a tragic accident, believes himself to be the resurrected Egyptian god of the dawning sun, Khepri. King Khepri commits his crimes dressed in ceremonial garb with a headmask in the shape of a dung beetle. He has no super powers.

Dr. Cassiopeia. A stunningly beautiful woman, by day she's a respected clinical researcher. At night she is cursed to float upside down, from sunset to sunrise, as the invulnerable and criminially insane Dr. Cassiopeia.

Leo Lobelia. LA gangster who dresses in pinstripes with a purple lobelia flower in his lapel. Has nausea inducing powers, which form the basis of his extortion rackets.

Count Miasma. European nobleman who can mentally control clouds of noxious black fog. Displaced from his homeland, he's attempting to take over enough land in the states to rebuild his lost fiefdom.

The Tessellator. Dick Spilsbury is a puzzle obsessed criminal who, after an industrial accident, can transmute any object he touches into hundreds of tiny puzzle pieces. He wears a spandex unitard with a logo on his chest that's the outline of a jigsaw puzzle piece and he frequently commits puzzle related crimes.

The Faceless. Escaped from a luinatic asylum, the Faceless is a serial killer who conceals his disfigured visage with an endless series of carnival masks.

Ezekiel Euclid. The smartest and most dangerous criminal mind of a two dimensional universe. Exiled to a three dimensional prison, our earth, by their Supreme Tribunal as a last resort. Disoriented and reeling still, once he's adapted he'll be ready to take over this new dimension. Ezekiel Euclid exists as a 2D apparition, possessing only height and width. Evil has no depths.

These last two are not my own, but contributions from my brother and a friend.

Derrick. An offshore oil rig worker. Laid off from his job, he constructs a lumbering suit of oil rig themed armor and uses it to enact his revenge, and commit crimes. Belching grease and smoke, with a shoulder mounted crane. The crane has different attachments, like a wrecking ball and a giant hook.

Baroness Ape. Old gorilla in a cocktail dress, lipstick and holding a cigarette holder. Think simian Miss Havesham. Antiquities dealer, grave robber and the worlds richest non-human. Keeps human prisoners in a zoo habitat, feeding them bananas.

Some are good, some are lame but will work for the purposes of the plot and some are awesome, at least to me. I love the visual of The Spangenhelm and can't wait to write future appearances of Ramses CDXVII and the Occult Archer.

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